The 2 Moms Life

Years ago when I announced I was becoming a surrogate; one question has followed me everywhere:

“Why would you do that?”

It’s a fair question.

For many people, surrogacy feels unfamiliar. It’s something they’ve heard about or maybe know someone who has done, but they rarely hear the story behind the decision. That’s one of the reasons I wanted to share mine.

I don’t just want to talk about surrogacy—I want to help normalize conversations around infertility, pregnancy loss, and the many different paths to building a family.

Because before I ever became a surrogate, I was someone desperately trying to become a mom.

When Tammy and I decided we wanted children, we knew our journey would look different. As a same-sex couple, there was no “let’s see what happens.” Every attempt required planning, appointments, hope, and money. What I didn’t expect was learning that getting pregnant wouldn’t come easily for me either.

We spent years trying to grow our family.

There were fertility appointments, failed inseminations, negative pregnancy tests, heartbreak, and eventually a miscarriage that changed me forever. If you’ve experienced infertility or pregnancy loss, you know that grief doesn’t care how many weeks pregnant you were. The moment you see those two pink lines, you begin imagining a future.

Losing that future is devastating.

Thankfully, our story didn’t end there.

After years of trying, we welcomed Harper into our lives, and a few years later, against what felt like impossible odds, Aberdeen completed our little family.

Looking back now, I realize those years shaped me more than I understood at the time.

They gave me empathy.

They gave me perspective.

And they gave me an overwhelming appreciation for every family that has to fight a little harder to bring a child into the world.

There’s another piece of my story that surprises people.

I loved being pregnant.

I know that isn’t everyone’s experience, but my pregnancies were something I genuinely enjoyed. Despite the challenges it took to get there, I loved watching my body grow life. I loved feeling every kick, every hiccup, every little reminder that something incredible was happening.

So, after Aberdeen was born, the thought kept returning:

What if I could help someone else experience the joy we’d fought so hard to have?

That idea stayed with me for years.

I even began the surrogacy process once before, but life had other plans. I wasn’t ready to end my breastfeeding journey with Aberdeen, and then the pandemic shifted all of our priorities. Between raising two young children and navigating new challenges as a family, I knew it wasn’t the right time.

I trusted that if surrogacy was meant to be part of my story, the opportunity would come again.

And it did.

What I didn’t know then was that becoming a surrogate would change me in ways I never expected.

The pregnancy itself was beautiful.

The birth was beautiful.

Watching another family meet their baby for the very first time is something I will never be able to put fully into words.

But what happened after the delivery was the part no one prepared me for.

Today, my little “belly buddy” is two years old, and I am two years postpartum myself. The last two years have been filled with joy, pride, healing, and some of the hardest emotional work I’ve ever done. I struggled with postpartum depression and had to rediscover who I was after carrying and delivering someone else’s child.

That part of the journey deserves its own story.

Actually… it deserves several.

So if you’re here because you’re curious about surrogacy, infertility, pregnancy after loss, postpartum, or simply what it’s like to walk an unconventional path to motherhood, I’m glad you’re here.

This is only the beginning.